nothing gold can stay

i was trying to stay detached. i'm new to this dating thing, but i'm finding it's hard for me to not feel more. after all, i want to continue talking and spending time with those i like. and now there are two whom i have all these crushy feelings for.

since movie maker is out-of-state filming for 6 weeks, it's allowed me to fill my time with smizey, who i've had mixed emotions about, all leading me to realize i like him more than i should. there are parts of me that say he isn't right for me long term, but long term concerns aren't really a priority right now...

he's got this thing none of the past ones had. this new-fangled way of dating has forced me to be shallow, to start things based on superficial qualities. all the past boys i've thought nothing of until i started talking to them and later developed feelings based on their oh-so-dazzling personalities. and with smizey i instantly felt something. he's all archy eyebrows, chiseled face, warm eyes, motorcycle riding, scratchy facial hair. soft touch, generous. he has these traits like a character from a tv show. probably a modern day dylan mckay, except with touches of dork and more innocent romance.

and when we're together, he's so good.

but then my pessimism takes over and i can only think this will end. i've always thought this way and it's partially why i only let guys get so close, but smizey's got this robert frost tattoo on his chest that says

nothing gold can stay

he says to him it means nothing stays good forever, so enjoy it while it lasts

and it's what i'm trying to do